Once upon a time, there was a princess.
She sat alone in her tower.
She was lonely.
Very lonely.
She was relatively pretty and had hobbies.
But...
Most princes liked girls in pink frilly dresses.
They ran away from jeans and leather.
Of the few that stayed, most of them ran when she opened her mouth.
And the brave few that stayed after the first few sentences limped away after she beat them up.
In a fair fight.
For being so stupid.
The princess liked martial arts.
But having scared away all the princes, she was really rather lonely.
Everyone in the castle disliked her.
The cooks who thought she ate too much.
Her ladies in waiting didn't think she was proper enough.
Her parents thought she was a disgrace.
So now, she was really rather lonely.
Did I say that yet?
Now walking down the road was a prince.
He didn't look very much like a prince.
He was wearing cargoes and a navy T-shirt.
He was travelling incognito.
So don't tell anyone.
So anyway, he arrived at the castle and asked for a job.
The king looked his resume over and finally sent him to the kitchens.
The prince was happy about that.
He'd run away from his own castle a short while ago.
His father had wanted him to act proper and get a chauffeur.
The prince wanted his own car.
His first job consisted in bringing the princess her supper.
It consisted of a large hawaiian pizza, ice cream, apples, pears, and lots of candies.
As he climbed the winding stairs, he made a mental picture of the princess.
Short, fat, dressed in pink.
Long blond curly hair like her mother's.
Her room would be pink.
With lace everywhere.
And probably a minstrel singing to her as she stared sadly out of her window and sighed.
He went up a few more steps and heard a bang and a clash.
A boy, obviously a minstrel came down the stairs quickly.
He had a black eye.
His nose was bleeding.
So was his swollen bottom lip.
As he passed, he yelled out.
"Watch out! She's an animal!"
He continued upwards.
The stairs seemed to go on forever.
Until they didn't anymore.
He went up to the door and put his ear against it.
No bestiary sounds came from the other side.
He softly knocked on the door so as not to enrage the beast that slept within.
No answer.
He knocked harder, risking a broken leg.
Nothing.
He knocked even harder, risking decapitation.
Nada.
He finally pounded on the bloody door until the hinges broke off and the door fell in on itself.
The dust settled.
He peered around the room.
The walls weren't pink.
They were black
He couldn't see any lace.
Anywhere.
He couldn't even see the princess.
There was a girl, with headphones on, singing softly, eyes closed.
There seemed to be tears on her face.
He put down the huge tray and approached her.
Carefully.
He shook her arm, trying to get her attention.
She yelled out, scared, and leapt at him.
The headphones' cord ripped out and flooded the room with noise.
I mean music.
They wrestled a bit.
She got free and removed a non-ornamental sword from the wall.
She held it to his throat.
"Who are you?" she asked.
"I'm just looking for the princess."
"You've found her, now what do you want?"
He scrunched his eyes.
"Wanna go to the movies?"
She slowly lowered the sword.
"Yeah, sure."
And they lived happily ever after.
