someone said

it used to be
when we were little
that we would strive for perfection
everything could and would be perfect
the fairy tale endings always came true

then
one day
something wasn't perfect
something in our lives was messed up
and for the first time
we didnt know what to do

so someone told us
practice makes perfect
so we practiced
over
and
over
trying as hard as we could to reach that perfection
to have a perfect life

then someone told us
no one is perfect

so we stopped
why bother?

and we let go of expecting perfection
we hold on to the rare perfect moments
and are okay with reaching mediocure life
we are okay with pain
because nothing is perfect anymore
and
thats
not
fair


but as someone once said




lifes not fair

welcome to reality

flight number 666

let me help you with your dreamland baggage

that won't be necessary on our flight

please

take a seat

reality should crash any second now

"just a small town girl

living in a lonley world

she took the midnight train

going anywhere"

welcome to summer

today is the day you remember how to breathe. there is an ocean of thoughts, nightmares, and gray days; so cross it find yourself on sandy shores and midnight blue skies count the stars and breathe in dreams of sunshine. wake up late with the dreams still lingering in your heart, dreams like promises and dragonfly kisses, candlelight that won’t fade. play on imagination like a piano, words flowing like soft melodies, painting pictures of meadows under soft skies and the smiles of kids on playgrounds; hop-scotch and held hands and snowball fights. breathe in moonlight for a change; dance with your heart wide open and unafraid. pretend fireflies are stars, and find constellations in them, fall asleep with a song in your heart waiting to be heard. light happiness like a match and let it keep you warm, like a blanket, and let hope be the pillow you rest your head on. realize life has no patterns, no lines. make your own pattern, your own kaleidoscope of rainbow thoughts and hopes. paint your name on the rocks of time and know this is immortality. breathe in the dust of hope and realize that the dark is just as beautiful as the night, and when you wake up, the nightmares will be gone. realize that sometimes, silence is both the question and the answer, and sometimes the most relaxing thing is the sound of your own breathing, and yes, you’ll be okay. today is the day you remember how to breathe, and for once, life is worth living.

welcome to summer

silence

I stood barefoot on the grass of my front yard and looked up above while contemplating the mysteries of life. It was that night when I discovered that silence can also sometimes be an answer.

promises

A girl sits against a corner, and sings herself to sleep wrapped around in promises no one seems to keep

s.t.o.p

saying those nasty things that make my self esteem drop 100%

making me feel useless and pointless

throwing punches and hard objects

openly showing hatred

playful punches turned into meanness

Look at my colors, the greens, reds, purples, and blues. All balanced together, in such a unique hue. Look at my shimmer, so bright and neat. Enough to bring you, right out of your seat. Why do you follow? What is it that you see? What are you doing, why have you captured me? You can't keep me here, locked in this glass! I'm meant for the wind, not the wind as part of my past! Why do you touch me, staining my wings. Don't you realize, what harming me means? You're ruining me, defiling my body and mind! you have nothing left to take from me, there is nothing left to find! so now here i lay, at the bottom of my glass cage. And slowly, very slowly. i feel myself finally fade.

just dance

It's a pretty fun thing, dancing. I've always thought so, which is really ironic, since I tend to hate anything that I'm bad at. I guess I shouldn't say that I'm bad at dancing. I'm not really. even though it's unlikely anyone will ever know. (i tend to demean the things i'm good at, 'cause i don't like myself that much) I've always wondered why I am the way I am. I'm always trying to figure myself out, but in the end, I don't think I'm half as hard to figure out as I always thought I don't want people to see the things I'm good at, because if they don't think I'm any good, then they can steal the things I'm good at. of course, they can't really steal them, but I think that they can, so I let my fear take over. so in the end I just hide away, and today no one will see me dance. but I'd like to think that someday, I'll bloom into someone who won't care what anyone thinks of her (i'm wanted be inspirational, so i'll end on a happy note) Half the time I don't believe in myself and half the time I do. So most of the time, I'm trapped between knowing and not knowing, between trying and running away I've been starting to grow up and I can't believe how old I am, I can't believe that someday, I'm going to be off on my own, living my life without guild lines without mom and dad to hold my hands and I don't want to be scared while I'm living that life I can already feel it starting so tonight I''m not going to worry about who is going to be at my performance i'm going to stand up there and i'll just dance

just a story

Once upon a time, there was a princess.
She sat alone in her tower.
She was lonely.
Very lonely.
She was relatively pretty and had hobbies.
But...
Most princes liked girls in pink frilly dresses.
They ran away from jeans and leather.
Of the few that stayed, most of them ran when she opened her mouth.
And the brave few that stayed after the first few sentences limped away after she beat them up.
In a fair fight.
For being so stupid.
The princess liked martial arts.
But having scared away all the princes, she was really rather lonely.
Everyone in the castle disliked her.
The cooks who thought she ate too much.
Her ladies in waiting didn't think she was proper enough.
Her parents thought she was a disgrace.
So now, she was really rather lonely.
Did I say that yet?
Now walking down the road was a prince.
He didn't look very much like a prince.
He was wearing cargoes and a navy T-shirt.
He was travelling incognito.
So don't tell anyone.
So anyway, he arrived at the castle and asked for a job.
The king looked his resume over and finally sent him to the kitchens.
The prince was happy about that.
He'd run away from his own castle a short while ago.
His father had wanted him to act proper and get a chauffeur.
The prince wanted his own car.
His first job consisted in bringing the princess her supper.
It consisted of a large hawaiian pizza, ice cream, apples, pears, and lots of candies.
As he climbed the winding stairs, he made a mental picture of the princess.
Short, fat, dressed in pink.
Long blond curly hair like her mother's.
Her room would be pink.
With lace everywhere.
And probably a minstrel singing to her as she stared sadly out of her window and sighed.
He went up a few more steps and heard a bang and a clash.
A boy, obviously a minstrel came down the stairs quickly.
He had a black eye.
His nose was bleeding.
So was his swollen bottom lip.
As he passed, he yelled out.
"Watch out! She's an animal!"
He continued upwards.
The stairs seemed to go on forever.
Until they didn't anymore.
He went up to the door and put his ear against it.
No bestiary sounds came from the other side.
He softly knocked on the door so as not to enrage the beast that slept within.
No answer.
He knocked harder, risking a broken leg.
Nothing.
He knocked even harder, risking decapitation.
Nada.
He finally pounded on the bloody door until the hinges broke off and the door fell in on itself.
The dust settled.
He peered around the room.
The walls weren't pink.
They were black
He couldn't see any lace.
Anywhere.
He couldn't even see the princess.
There was a girl, with headphones on, singing softly, eyes closed.
There seemed to be tears on her face.
He put down the huge tray and approached her.
Carefully.
He shook her arm, trying to get her attention.
She yelled out, scared, and leapt at him.
The headphones' cord ripped out and flooded the room with noise.
I mean music.
They wrestled a bit.
She got free and removed a non-ornamental sword from the wall.
She held it to his throat.
"Who are you?" she asked.
"I'm just looking for the princess."
"You've found her, now what do you want?"
He scrunched his eyes.
"Wanna go to the movies?"
She slowly lowered the sword.
"Yeah, sure."
And they lived happily ever after.

sometimes life

is just too much to handle

like tonight

i ran upstairs

and threw on a coat

grabbed my ipod

and then sprinted outside

i ran through the familier woods

the trees scratching at my face and my sock feet

i finally reached my tree

ahdexpertly slip into the branches

high above the ground

free from the world

i turned on my ipod

and the familier melody greeted me

i sat

perfectly still

looking up

i counted the stars

star light

star bright

something something wish tonight

if only you could cure pain

by wishing on a star

sitting there

in the dark

shivering

thoughts rushed into my head

of everything

happy and sad

of what i should do

and who i can trust

i looked back

at my failures

my falls

and my smiles

about the movie

in which she lost herself in the glamour

and then went back home

and played in the mud, rode a horse, fell in love

and found herself again

have i lost myself?

will i ever find myself?

and then

i remembered

him

nicolas

he was my bff

i still remember the day i met him

i walked in

not knowing anyone

and he came over and bit me

really hard

that was when i decided i was going to be his friend

we went everywhere together

he came over once and we climbed into this tree

the one i was sitting in.

and we had a contest on how far we could splash our water bottles [i totally won]

my brother and his friends saw us

and started singing

nicolas and niki

sitting in a tree

k-i-s-s-i-n-g

first came love

then came marrage

then came a baby in the baby carrage

we looked at eachother

than dumped our water all over them

then jumped down and ran away

a year later

his family moved to idaho

i haven't seen him in like eight years

i don't like nicolas

anymore than a friend

and not even that

cause i don't even know him anymore

i don't know his favorite color,

if he likes anybody,

if he has a girlfriend i could tease him about

if he still bites people [probably]

i miss him though

which is weird

i just felt like i didn't have to pretend around him

i could be me

cause no one else could be weirder than bitting boy.

thats what they would call him

bitting boy

and i was dirt girl

cause i ate dirt

we were the weird ones

the outcasts

but

who cares?

so tonight

my wish upon a star:

i wish that someone would come over soon

and sit up in a tree with me

and help me forget life

if only for a day

to laugh

and maybe even cry a little

[if thats what i need]

i wish to spill everything

and then

have someone distract me

give me a hug

and then make me laugh

take my mind off life

i want to have a water throwing contest

i want to just be free again

is that too much to ask for?

dancer

The dancer She is dancing She is spinning With her arms open wide She is on pointe Dipping perfectly She is smiling through the lies And the only Time she's happy Is when she's dancing On the stage Amid the whispers And the staring She can find herself again Turning around And around And around She didn't even see That she Was falling The dancer She is trying She is tripping She is wishing on a star For a reason For an answer For why truth is so far gone And the only Thing she really knows Is people never really change She is drowning In the music She's losing it She can feel it in her bones Turning around And around And around She didn't even see That she Was falling The dancer She is Crying She has tripped up She's fallen further than before But she keeps dancing With a fire She knows she can prove them wrong And when things get hard And she catches her breath She smiles and closes her eyes They mean nothing She tells herself The night is always darkest Before the dawn Turning around And around And around She didn't even see That she Was falling Turning around And around And around She didn't even see That she Was falling

i don't know what the heck this is

What would you do if I faded away?
If I gave up on everything?
If I sat down and refused to move?
If I stopped smiling?
If I cried my heart out?

What would you do if I ran away?
If I hid from all my troubles?
If I stopped caring?
If I stopped singing to the moon?
If I stopped dancing with the stars?

What would you do if I stopped loving you?
If I hurt myself?
If I refused to mend a broken heart?
If I ignored you?
If I walked away?

What would you do?
Would you track me down?
Would you hold me tight?
Would you kiss my tears away?
Would you mend my broken heart?
Would you soothe my troubles?
Would you chase my fears away?
Would you dance with the stars?
Would you sing to the moon?
Would you love me?

paper dolls

Once there was a girl, He told her that her skin was too pale and that her eyes were too sad. He told her to wear colors other than black. She went home that night and dragged the blade of her pocket knife across the white of her inner thigh, watching as scarlet bloomed to surface. She called him on the telephone and said, ‘You would be proud, I’m wearing red tonight.’ She thought he laughed, but it sort of sounded like a sob. There was something beautiful about the rain, and on stormy days, he would always hold her on his couch and twirl his fingers in her hair. Sometimes she would feel a drop of wet on her cheek, and she told him that maybe he should check his roof, because it was leaking. It took her eight times to figure out that they weren’t raindrops, but his teardrops. The next time it rained, she stayed home and sat on her driveway, letting the sky water saturate her shirt and soak through to her bones. He taught her a lot of big words, like ‘quintessential’ and ‘superfluous’ and ‘agoraphobia’. She decided that she was probably a little agoraphobic because whenever she was without him, she was a nervous wreck. But maybe that was just the whole ‘love’ thing and not an anxiety disorder. The stories he told her were always so promising, about little girls with orange lantern cheeks and eggshell lips. He would call them paper dolls. But at the end of every one, the paper doll girl wouldn’t find her prince, and her heart would flicker and fade like dying lights. ‘Am I your paper doll girl?’ She asked once, watching as he bit at his chapped lips. I’m pretty sure that was when he started to crumble. ‘Only if you want to be,’ he rasped, and let go of her hand that he had been holding. A breathy sigh left her. ‘I don’t, because I want to find you.’ ‘You should have started looking a long time ago, then.’ The day after he left, she made a chain of paper dolls and wrote ‘me’ on every one. She was going to send them to him, but she forgot. They’re still on the corner of her desk, collecting dust beside her broken vase of dead tulips. She wouldn’t know where to mail them, anyway. Because she still hasn’t found him

music and books

Slip headphones over your ears Hit play and wait It washes over you like water Shuts out the noise Takes you to a different place Where the music takes on colour And everything else disappears as your eyes slide shut You hum along as it soothes you Carrying all your worries away Thoughts are nonexistent Just the sounds that fill your head You sit in your corner Oblivious to the world Not seeing the people passing by Not hearing anything else Just listening to the sounds running through your head You hum once more As you open the worn cover Flip a page and prop it up on your knees Still humming as your eyes fly across the page Absorbing everything you see Images dance through your head As you imagine every character and every scene And only you will know what they look like The little habits they have And all of a sudden it comes to an end The music stops The story is at its end You smile as you get up The story still fresh in your head And the music still playing in your ears

the world is a stage

everyone's an actor 

cause the whole world is a stage. 

however small, we all have parts 

in life's unending play. 

The producer lost the script

the directors MIA

you missed the first rehersal 

for the opening ballet 

You stumble and you fumble 

cause you never learned your songs 

and your face turns cherry red 

cause you got the notes all wrong 

And the other actors chortle 

some may tell you its okay 

"I was clumsy too, 

when i was young", they wisely say.

So now you vow to write scenes 

and rehearse till you turn blue

but when you look up from your writing 

they've moved on to something new 

So you race to catch the others 

cause you know your far behind 

and you've missed your chance to show them 

how much you truely shine 

So you snap your pencil in half 

and adopt a sadly glow 

you know you can't prepare your sceans 

cause it's now an improv show.