its funny, that you don't realize how much someone means to you until they walk away.
and you sit there and pretend that it doesn't bother you, pretend that your world just didn't crash down
and when people ask, you tell them its not a big deal, you were done with him anyway
when you see his status change on facebook, you pretend that it doesnt make your heart leap
when the message button pops up as 1, you tell yourself you aren't wishing with all your might its him
but then, the dark settles in, and you are alone
and you finally let yourself see that you are broken. that this boy had his heart in his hands, and didn't keep it safe.
that you had fallen head over feet for him, and you really do care. with every inch of your body you care.
and you no longer pretend to be okay. and you just cry. for what seems like an eternity. because you let him slip through your hands.
but in the morning, when you get ready for school, you will paint a pretty face on
and flirt with that boy you thought you had feelings for
when in reality, you will sit there, willing yourself not to break in front of the world, while you miss the one you love, the one you let slip through the cracks.

you are my biggest regret
but i just can't let you go

all in its place

I keep my sadness in the refrigerator 
In between a bowl of pudding
& half a serving of mac and cheese
a sad attempt to keep it fresh

I put my joy in my closet 
Hung up in front of a streaked mirror
& a dress I only wore once
Because I look in there everyday

My pride is in a box made of aluminum
That once held tubes of lip gloss
And butterfly hair clips
And eye shadow
Bold as the midnight sky

My smile is in my pocket
Ready for use 
Yet sometimes 
Very hard to apply

My life sits
Like an ornament or a trophy
On my computer desk
Gathering a layer of dust 

My energy is in my instrument case 
I hear it sometimes
A rap tap tapping a beat

My fear is in the desk drawer 
Next to my paper and pencils 
& my one little beat up heart

maybe if you stopped living my life for me
and background checking my every word
we would both live better lives

you know what. 

i really don't enjoy school. 

the end is just a car crash away

I held your hand listening to the monitors beep your life away,
watching the fading people in white cover there face.
I watched your tan skin fade to pure white
I felt the chill of the emotionless desire to save your life.
I stood by and did nothing,
they stood by drawing blood by the hour.
Your eyes grew heavy until they would not open,
every hour your breath grew sour.
They said you felt nothing
but you screamed for days.
They said you were at peace
but your body twitched and fumbled every which way.

girl with the glow stick heart

She played at night in the greenery of the silent fields,
Glowing above weeds, vines and shrubs that grew to her mellow hums.
She had a heart that cured wounds of the worse,
And sparked smiles that lit up the skies.
Her heart shown through the cloth that lined her blouse,
Making her bleed colors; warm, lovely colors…
She spun circles in forests leaving a trail of neon lamplight, 
Which not even crows could swallow.
She hadn’t a name, for she couldn’t afford such a thing,
But she acted as if she could.
The young beauty had a face painted over with freckles,
And ashen, cut up lips that were held up by her bony dimples.
Her hair untidy on her head was tied in emblem ribbons that fell to her shoulders.
The youth was a artistry hushed, 
Sealed in pale flesh that was nailed to her bones ruthlessly.
Her soul was as sweet as candy coated in sugar and
She used this to travel the world helping others;
For she was the girl with the glow stick heart...